Feel that fulfilment with peace, achievements and freedom you have, and wisdom gained along the way. Honour yourself. Your soul will shine more.
I think, “again, this is where I wish I am able to communicate with people, even strangers I see sitting at the tables or in a pub or at the camp site, and talk about what I am doing and exchange experiences with them as in every day chit chats. Why am I deaf? Why can’t they sign Auslan?” Fuck. I feel alone communicating with my own self. I realise sometimes it is hard when I am talking to guys. Which ones are interested in this stuff and which ones are not? For example, I talk to what this guy appears to be a friendly hippie guy about the readings that I am exploring, but he turned out to be a redneck who doesn’t do this type of shit. I can’t win. If I could hear how people talk and pick out their voices, the tones, the words they choose, their beliefs, then I know what is safe to choose to talk with them about. This shits me. That is the reason why I don’t communicate with hearing people with my voice because it prevents me from having communication breakdowns, miscommunications, misinterpretations, and all those things in between me and them. In a group, that is impossible. This is what depresses me with my life. I am stuck in my deaf skin.